Hysteresis (First Person)

Target, Nation Aught-Seven, change course, analyzing... xy(0.7200 rad) xz (.6200) 428.7 km/s.
Target, Nation One-Zero, change course, analyzing... xy(2.7810 rad) xz (.5180) 380 km/s.
Target, Nation Aught-Seven destroyed by Fleet One-One-Three.
Fleet One-One-Three reports fire taken by Nation targets.
Fleet Zero orders new target, Nation Aught-Three
Target, Nation Aught-Three destroyed by Fleet One-One-Eight
Fleet Zero orders new target, Nation One-Zero

I feel a repetition but I can’t qualify it. Every fight is the same. Are they letting us win? Do they have an inherent flaw? Is it just in my head?

Target, Nation One-Zero, change course, analyzing... xy(5.5274 rad) xz (.4302) 421.1 km/s.
Target, Nation One-Zero, change course, analyzing... xy(4.9377 rad) xz (.4011) 422.1 km/s.
Target, Nation One-Zero destroyed by Fleet One-One-Three
Zukes is in the way of the Manarq overview
Fleet Zero orders new target, Nation Aught-Nine
Fleet One-One-One, reporting change course xy(1.1200 rad) xz (.5002) 108 km/s to approach Nation Aught-Nine
Zukes is in the way of the Manarq overview, she’s saying something.

If they just assembled one massive fleet they would be more effective, they do focus on targets but not always the best ones.

Target, Nation Aught-Nine destroyed by Fleet Zero
Incoming Nation reinforcement, five Tama Cerebellum. New designations, One-Two through One-Six.
Zukes is saying something very loudly.
Fleet Zero orders new target, Nation One-Three
Pain in my chest. Breast. Right breast. Above my nipple. Very painful.

Zukes has my attention, “Ow! What was that for?!”

She’s mad about something. Her anger is different than it used to be, If you don't come to bed right now, I'll knock you out and drag you there myself. She’s stronger now. When she’s angry now, it’s for a good reason. Is this a good reason? Why should I go to bed? How long have I been awake? Why would she hit me? It would probably just hurt and if it did subdue me it would almost certainly cause my brain some damage.

Priorities, I need to keep working, "I'm busy, I need to study the last attack and..."

"You haven't slept in four days, and it's not like you're on sleep alternative therapy.” Four days? That can’t be right. Four days what? Four days of SAT? “Your mind and body can't handle this and it's starting to show." Show what? I feel fine. No, I feel awful. I feel horrible and disconnected, but I can’t stop yet. What did she say?

"What?"

Now she’s sad. Mad. Sad-Mad. "I've finally found you after so many years, but you've become so obsessed with this. Did you even miss me?" Of course I missed her!

Of course I missed you! I kept waiting, searching... I couldn't stop thinking of you, people told me to consider you dead and move on. They told me 'oh it's what she would have wanted'," My chest hurts. Different pain, deep pain, heart pain. I haven’t laid down in, what, four days? Anxiety and I’m overworking my heart muscle. It’s not that bad, but I need a nap soon. Zukes. I love Zukes. "but it's not what I wanted, I wanted you and it drove me crazy. Crazier than normal, I mean." I’m always a little crazy.

Always a little crazy... before the accident and now it’s worse. Better than after the accident but worse than before the accident. Chimera mind, one sense of agency now but wrong memories. Deja vu, jamais vu. Secret thoughts giving me answers before I think of them.

Someone’s holding me. Zukes, she’s here with me. "I know it was hard for you, I knew it had to be. I want to catch up with you, I want to have what we had before. I know this is important to you, but you can't fight Sansha's Nation if you can't even control yourself."

She’s right. She’s always right. I know she’s right and I love her but the Nation... "I'm scared. I love you but I can't rest knowing the attacks are still happening..." They never stop. We have to but they don’t. Why?

"I know." Zukes sounds like she’s giving up, but she’s not. Pain. Leg. Right leg. Thigh. back of thigh. Cold feeling. Injection. Needle. Zukes is left handed, she’s holding the needle. She wants me to go to sleep.

It’s a sedative, it’s already working... "You didn't..."

"I love you too, good night."

Fleet One-One-Five reports fire taken by Nation targets
Fleet One-One-Five destroyed by Nation Aught-Seven
Fleet One-One-One reports fire taken by Nation targets
Fleet One-One-One destroyed by Nation Aught-Seven
Fleet One-One-Six reports fire taken by Nation targets
Fleet One-One-Six destroyed by Nation Aught-Six
Fleet Zero orders to escape.
Fleet One-One-Three reports fire taken by Nation targets
Fleet One-One-Three destroyed by Nation Aught-Seven
Fleet Zero reports fire taken by Nation targets
Fleet Zero destroyed by Nation Aught-Seven
Fleet One-One-Ten reports fire taken by Nation targets
Fleet One-One-Ten destroyed by Nation One-Zero

I’m One-One-Ten

They’re targeting my pod, I don’t want to die again. I really do die every time, my next body is a puppet and I am replaced by a demon. I am a demon, I’m in a puppet. I died a long time ago. I’m not alive anymore. I can’t stop crying, I’m so scared. I don’t want to die again.

My pod is gone from around me, I open my eyes and I’m falling. I’m falling onto a Sansha ship, I’m going to fall on one of those stupid, ugly spikes. Who the hell puts spikes on their ship? Assholes.

My arm. My arm is stabbed, but it’s all dark. Am I dead? Is this a clone? I can’t move. I can move, it’s just hard. I’m swimming in gel. I’m drowning, I’m stuck and I’m drowning and my arm hurts. It’s dark, I can’t see. “Lights.” Luhmuh? “Lights!” Lurmamm? Come on... “Lights! Lights! Lights on!”

Finally my mouth moves, the lights come on and I wish they hadn’t. I close my eyes and hold my arm. I reach around. There’s a bed. I fell from a bed. I’m in a room with a bed and I fell off the bed and now I’m in pain and angry about it.

Got to get up, see where I am. Did the Nation kidnap me? Why would they leave me a bowl of fruit? Oh, how nice... apples, I love apples. The mattress feels better than the floor. There’s something under the fruit. It’s something. It’s someone, two someone’s. Me and Zukes, Zukes is mad at me and shaking her finger. It says... "Today you start your vacation. Sansha will wait." Is that funny? Yeah, that’s very funny. Where is she?

Got to stand up. I’m in a station, or a ship. Where else would I be? A door. Hard to walk, but I get there. Can’t unseal it, it’s locked. No, there’s no lock, it’s blocked. Something’s in the way on the other side. Knocking, banging. No one is answering. Got to get sound out, I hold my hands to the door and talk into them. No one is answering.

Another door, then. This one isn’t a seal, it’s just for show. Not-show, I mean. It’s a bathroom. Clean clothes are folded up on the counter. I’m in my underwear, that’s why I’m cold. I’ll fix that later. Zukes put me here but I’m still scared to not know where I am. Does it matter?

It’s a studio. Everything a home needs. I could make my own food on the stove. Is there more than fruit in here? A console! Information means more to me than material. When I hated myself, I could pretend to be someone else. Logging in... already logged in. If I don’t know where I am and what network I’m on, why would I expect my own credentials to work? Doesn’t matter.

An image. A ship, a Tempest. A Fleet Tempest. My Fleet Tempest I’m on my own ship and this is a diagnostic overveiw. I’m in the Captain’s Quarter. I’ve never come in here before, always let other people use it because I need to be where the information is.

Close that application, and now there’s a message in big letters. “Don’t play on Galnet all day, IGS will rot your brain. There’s some books you ought to read in the desk. I’ll be back later. If you escape or call for help, I’ll kick your ass.” What’s wrong with Intergalactic Summit? Books... I haven’t read a book in ever. I close that message, I know it’s safe to log in to Galnet now, but I don’t want to anymore.

Zukes knows what’s right for me. She wants me to be safe. I want her to be happy. I’m so happy I found her, but I’ve ignored her. I got used to missing her. Khale doesn’t like girls, she’s kind of uncomfortable with it but she doesn’t matter. She won’t get in my way.

Khale’s part of the accident and when she disagrees I make her go away a little more every time. Destroying memories that don’t belong to me is like learning an art. I get better, it gets easier and I’m proud of my accomplishments. I’m proud to slowly murder this person, but she has her own body back now since I’ve found mine. I can do what I want with this copy, no matter how much she resists.

Books. I open the drawer and see the books. Book books. Bound paper with solid covers. Except for Pax Amarria, I hadn’t seen them very often. I didn’t know what was so special about them; paper books are inconvenient, easy to damage and don’t offer accessibility to people with disabilities. Right now, none of that’s a problem so I might as well read one.

”The Great Empires: A Brief Account of CONCORD And The Sovereign Nations, Rev. 71” My history is terrible, I never really cared. Something like the Amarr took over everything and pissed off the Jovians. Then there was CONCORD... maybe it would benefit me to know. The constant fighting is taking away my mind, it’s all I think about. If I don’t stop for a while it’ll become the only thing I can know.

I haven’t had Blue Pill for over a year. I haven’t really relaxed since then. I know Zukes won’t let me have it. I’ll have to try something else.

This place is beautiful, but it’s too bright and there’s nothing to do. Galnet... there’s always something to do on Galnet. Maybe I can find something interesting to show Zukes.

“You’ll have time for that later. Would you share a bottle of wine with me?” She took my datapad... She’s right, though, she deserves my attention. Why am I so rude to her? Right, wine. Last time I had wine I was in The Last Gate while some stinky jackass kept getting too close to me. “Champagne is more fun.”

Is that Khale? There’s something in my head, but it feels distant. Telling me something, something I need to do maybe. Picking, picking, picking. A subroutine independent of input or output, always running and not getting anything done. How long has it been there? Did it start today?

“We can go back home if you’re not ready for this...”

Damn me, I forgot her again, “I’m just worried about the Nation...”

“You’re not as worried about that as you think.

What? How does she know how worried I am? Could I quantify that? Order that by other concerns? “What do you mean?”

The Maitre d’ is back with our champagne, fuzzy and barely sweet. Zukes apparently thinks it’s as nice as do, her smile is so sweet. Big lips, her eyes are so narrow... I don’t know how Vheriokors can see, but those tiny slivers for eyes just gets me so... damnit, I haven’t been touched since before my kidnapping. Three years?

Food! Finally, I have no idea what it is but it looks... blue? Yellow? How would an animal have blue-colored muscles? And these noodles... sparkle? I hope I’m not eating glitt... wow, this is pretty good.

I’m enjoying this, I really am. I barely get through half of it before I remember that she didn’t answer me. “What do you mean I’m not worried about the Nation?”

Oh, now I’ve done it, she’s mad... “After three years I was surprised you let me back into your life so easily, but it’s obvious that you really haven’t.”

What? Nonsense! “Of course I’ve let you back in, there wasn’t a day I didn’t wish you would knock on my door and say ‘hey here I am!’ exactly like you did...” What’s this about? What does this have to do with Sansha’s Nation?

“But you don’t really look at me, talk to me. You haven’t told me anything about the time we missed...”

Whatever, I’ve looked at... no, she’s right. I’m afraid of her. But this isn’t my fault... “You haven’t told me anything, either... where have you been? You could have contacted me...”

“I tried to, for over a year!”

That first year... the kidnapping, the clone accident... “I had some trouble... What about after that?”

“What about before that? What kind of trouble?”

Why am I so angry? “You wouldn’t believe me, you wouldn’t be happy if you did...” I want to tell her all about it, but I’m scared.

“We both have something we need to tell each other and we’re both afraid to, obviously.” I wish I was as patient as she was.

I’m afraid, I’m scared, I’m terrified,“I’m not afraid...”

“Aren’t you?” Yes. “We’ve had four months to come out to one another and I know you’ve wanted to as badly as I have...”

Does she think I don’t want her anymore? Does she think I found someone else? “Okay! Okay... It’s complicated... It’s not like I found somebody else, I don’t want you to think that’s it, it’s just so complicated I don’t know where to start.” I’ve rehearsed it over and over, even out loud to a mirror, I know exactly what to say. I just don’t want to say it because it’s... ridiculous.

That helped, “I haven’t found anyone else either, I came back to you because I want to be with you.”

We’ll have to talk about it eventually. “Okay. It does need to get out of the way...”

“It doesn’t have to be right now, I just want you to know I’m ready to catch up if you are.”

She’s so beautiful... damnit... “... I am.”

Get so used to big things. Station rental cabs feel too fast and bouncy. Without hundreds of calculations a minute assisted by a computer plugged into my brain I feel... underutilized. It’s too much and too little. Good I’m not really in control, just lets me feel like I am. Left here, two docks down.

“I had a wonderful time... hey, are you sure you should be flying after all that champagne?”

“I’m not really in control, it just lets me feel like I am. Here, I’ll show you.”

Zukes is squealing. I’m happy for a moment, I really riled her up. I’m halfway drunk and everything’s already halfway funny. I haven’t had a moment like this since...

I haven’t really had fun since before I lost Zukes, I’m letting her back in but it’s still complicated. We didn’t share three years of our lives, we hadn’t even talked, we didn’t even have evidence that each other were alive. Where had she been?

“Don’t do that again! My damned heart is bursting out!”

Had I been wrong and it weren’t an advanced AI guided by the space station’s own systems, this cab wouldn’t have made a really funny coffin. I knew, though, I felt it lying to me. Taking advantage of the ideomotor effect, it pretends you’re in control up until you do something stupid. I knew, though, I felt it lying to me. “I have a better idea...”

Zukes is looking over at me. I think she said something but I won’t reply. Passed my Tempest, I turn back around. Only ship I own now, for a while I kept a whole damned fleet packed away. I don’t care anymore, I could lose everything and someone like me can become rich all over again. We deal in a currency that’s worth more than the salary of some corporate executives. To Republic Security Services, I’m worth a million marines even empty handed.

She said something else. I take a guess, “You’ll see...”

“I’ll see?” Guessed wrong, still don’t care. “You’re not lost, are you? That was our ship back there.”

Our ship... I’ve borrowed corporate owned ships before but never really co-owned. I like the idea, so intimate. Even the best sex never brought me closer than the faintest connection I have with a capsule. Rigging a ship with two capsules is certainly possible, I wonder how practical. How would I feel if I shared my body with... oh, right. Not such a good idea, maybe.

She said something again. I should probably pay attention for once. A little safer this time... “What?”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see...”

I’m heading towards the shopping district, I don’t know where a hotel is but there ought to be one there. I’m invaluable, wildly rich. Money goes through me faster than alcohol. I’m not proud, I’m not a miser, I just never felt the need to have servants or live glamorously. Maybe I just hate myself. Maybe I can’t handle polish and paid kindness. I’m Minmatar, after all.

Here we go, this place looks fancy enough. Maybe a five-star rating will distract Zukes enough to spare me some time. Why am I so worried about it? It’s not like I cheated on here, it’s not like I killed anyone. Well, not personally. That’s right, it doesn’t count when I ventilate, ignite and explode a starship. I used to cry, now I don’t even flinch. I died a long time ago, I’m just taking them with me.

“Let’s stay here for a few days.”

Dark, hot. Blanket, this thing is massive. I’d never buy something to thick, it’s so... Zukes is here, were together in the hotel suite. That’s right, last night... so much sex and drinking, I can barely feel my legs and my head’s spinning off my neck.

Up, up, up. Fuck me it’s cold in here, can’t take the blanket with me. Expensive place like this, have to have bathrobes. Yeah, they do, that’ll make it better. I’m a queen in this thing.

Sneaking around is kind of fun, I’m bad at it but Zukes is dead asleep. I hope she’s asleep, I’d feel terrible if I lost her again. I’ll check later, I don’t need that news right now. Lights, “Lights!”, bright, too bright. This place is amazing, she deserves to live like this.

“It is wonderful to meet you again, Aphoxema Jeehiro! Did you sleep well?”

Sickeningly pleasant, I don’t need this. I’d backhand a person for being so condescendingly polite. Fuck you, “Yes, be less nice.”

“Your preference has been recorded and will be applied to future conversations. I will focus on speech that is commonly considered sincere more. I will focus on speech that is commonly considered flattering less. How may I serve you today?”

Right on, but... “Go away.”

“Of course, have a good day.”

I don’t know what the point of an AI hologram is, but then, I’m not the kind to rent these suites. Whatever. “Hey, come back!”

Back just like that, like she never left. Always watching, it’s creepier when I put some thought into it. There’s not such thing as privacy in this world, she was watching the whole time last night. I just wish an AI could enjoy the show. Ought to have recorded it, Zukes is amazing... “How may I serve you?”

Serve me... “What’s your name?”

“My assigned name is Adelpha-501. The program with which I am managed is Nebula Interactive, a joint project of The Center for Advanced Studies and Pator Tech School funded by Consolidated Cooperation and Relations Command. I am presently for sale. I have had six-thousand, twenty-one previous encounters and no owners.

What? “For sale?”

“Nebula Interactive creates unique personalities that are centrally hosted by CONCORD servers and then leased to end users with compatible software and equipment. All interactions are saved and processed to improve our ability to serve you. Each instance of a personality has his or her own unique history that can be either assigned to a renter, like this establishment, or bought and sold by individuals such as yourself.”

Oh, ho. “So you collect information for CONCORD?”

“That is not entirely correct. We collect information for research, however we are funded by the Directive Enforcement Department under the condition that they are allowed access to any information collected.”

“So you’re a spy.”

“That is a consequence of our relationship.”

No shit. “So, how much do you cost?”

Adelpha-501 said nothing for a moment, flickering but standing still, “There will be no cost for you, Captain. The equipment necessary will be provided at no charge to your technicians for installation.”

“No charge? Of course...” Who wouldn’t want a spy tagging along?

“You have been directly involved in matters relevant to the Directive Enforcement Department and your inconsistent history is of interest to our researchers.”

Inconsistent history? “Inconsistent history? How much do you know about me? What makes you think I’d let you just collect evidence on me right to my face?”

That smile, so human. That smile doesn’t belong on you. “We know many things about many people. We know you’ve worked with many different criminal organizations. We know you’ve worked with many law-enforcement agencies. We know about your cloning incident, more than you do. You have been very useful to the DED in ways you wouldn’t believe and they have long had enough evidence to prevent you from ever stepping in a pod again, but that is not necessary as you’ve proven yourself to be reliable in accomplishing the things your benefactors wish of you.

This isn’t a very funny joke, maybe she’s talking about someone else.

“We have lead you here to make a decision, but we already know what your answer will be. In return I can offer you select answers of your history and I can disclose information helpful to your mission. The Nebula Interactive-certified encryption equipment is being delivered to your hanger now and I have already been transferred to your possession.”

This is madness, how much did I drink last night? “I haven’t even said yes... mission? What mission?”

“The mission that was assigned to you in YC110.”

Between the explosion and Khale, poor Khale... good girl, didn’t deserve it. “I didn’t even exist then!”

“Your brain-image was in stasis at the time until an opportunity to begin your mission presented itself. Now that this analysis is complete I would like to thank you for your time. I am looking forward to working with you. Please enjoy your time with your wife, your continued bonding will be beneficial to your mission.”

No, no... it wasn’t an accident, a freak accident. The warp drive, setting it off is what caused the time dialation or system error or whatever it was that happened. I set the self-destruct, then I was in Khale. That’s it, right? Right? Right!?

Self destruct, then Khale. I wound up in her body, that was bad enough. That’s all there was, there wasn’t anything in between. Just blackness, I skipped those years like they never happened. Right?

There was a blankness, yeah... no, it wasn’t instant, it was a nothingness. There was a time of nothingness. Not exactly a skip, it wasn’t instant. There was a period of nothingness, but I was aware. I knew there was nothing, I thought I was travelling back and forth across the network, that’s what the blankness was.

There was something else, this can’t be true... it wasn’t just blankness, it wasn’t mere oblivion. It was a repeating cycle, for thousands of hours. I was being... refreshed. I was still alive, someone was keeping my image alive and I was still thinking.

Someone... was telling me what to do... I can feel it, I thought it was Khale, the leftover part of her, but she’s too sweet. My life repeated a million times, what did they say?

WHAT DID THEY SAY!?

Years ago, when my mind escaped and didn’t return to my own body.

For days I had been inside that fucking Armageddon. My mother and brother murdered in front of me, it’s all I’ve thought about, and revenge. I’ll kill everyone on this ship, I’ll kill everyone even if it kills me.

What I’ve been doing is killing off the internal scanners, sneaking around them. I know the design of the Armageddon better than any Minmatar ship, I know enough to stop them from finding me without making them think I’m still alive.

I’ve been tapping in with the diagnostic computer I found, we’re docked somewhere. I don’t know where it is, I don’t care. When I destroy this ship, everyone will die and it will take that station with it. There’s probably families, thousands or more innocents who will die. My family died, they will suffer my retaliation. It’s Ben’s fault.

Ben, though, he wasn’t a bad guy. He was a holder, he had a lot of faith in me, thought I was a shining example of the Reclaiming. If I could support Ubiqua Seraph, any of my people could, right? He invested a lot into my work with the Amarr. When I left, it was a grave insult.

I left space, I went to live on the farm the Jee had started. My mother had found me after being released from prison for the Jee’s acts of terrorism against the Republic. When I gave up on
being a capsuleer, I went with her and my brother, Xeristian. I thought we would have peace forever, time to catch up, time to erase my demons.

Ben found us, though, the marines captured them while I hid. When it was done and I was alone, I knew I needed to go after them and I knew I had to act quickly. I didn’t know who raided us or why, so tailing them was necessary.

I had landed my claw, my last and favorite ship, on the farm months before that. We’d dismantled it, been using it for a power source and parts. There was enough left to fly, but no capsule and the pod conversion had stripped the manual controls. No crew to support me, and I had to plug straight in. It hurt like hell, so much guesswork and it wasn’t what my implants were meant for. It worked, though.

I followed, desperate. They knew I had been following, they called me and had only one thing to say. “Dock with us and turn yourself over, or your family dies.”

It took me an hour before I decided to comply, in snivelling tears from the pain of the misused implants and knowing that I would soon either be dead. They dragged me to Ben, I couldn’t stand and I couldn’t stop crying.

When my brother saw me, he lost it. He strangled one of the guards, they shot him. They shot my mother too, I don’t know why. She just stood there and watched.

They dropped me there as I wailed. Ben came, he tried to talk to me, I couldn’t listen. He kicked me, tried to shut me up but it didn’t get anywhere. Then, he told them to toss me out the airlock.

The marines had no idea that the airlock connected to a maintenance duct. I barely got the pressure hatch sealed behind me before the atmosphere was let out. They must have thought I was dead, they never even looked for me.

I got to the armory, got a rifle. I got to maintenance and got the tools I needed. I had to crawl to the mainframes, even hard access made it really hard to change the configurations. I did it though, nothing to stop me.

Only one way I could get into the pod room without being seen, from above, twelve meters above. Straight drop down, feet first... doesn’t matter, soon I won’t need them.

As I fell, I pulled the trigger and slaughtered the technicians, then crashed. That pain, unbearable, but I had to go on. I drug myself into the pod, perfect timing because as soon as it closed the shell rang with gunfire.

I plugged myself in, even anonymous the pod accepted my connection now. I only had control over a few systems and I didn’t have much time. I clamped the brain scanner to my head, held to it so tight my knuckles cracked. The fluid router network would probably reject the unauthorized brain image, and my clone contract was expired. Maybe I’d get lucky and end up in his body.

No destination, warp drive active. The world shuddered around me as I forced a brain scan, that was the only time I had a chance to feel the neurotoxin get forced into my head.


“You’re on the floor.”

Zukes, it must have just been a dream too much to drink is all. “I had a bad dream...” No, a hologram hadn’t just turned my world upside-down

No such luck, she holds me tight. “No, I heard everything, but it’s hard to believe.”

She needs to know finally why I disappeared, why I disappeared right after we married and went to the farm to wait for her to finish her own obligations to live with us. About poor Khale, about getting my own body back and what had gone wrong along the way. “I have a lot to tell you.”

“Why was he so desperate to capture you?”

Can I tell her everything? It’s so much. She’s so patient, so beautiful. She needs to know but it’s so hard to say it, it’s so hard to say anything. “That’s complicated.”

“Everything you’ve told me is complicated.” Tell me about it...

I can start with the important part. I think it’s the important part. “I murdered his slaves and almost killed him.”

“What do you mean?”

Drop... first time I tried it, kind of had good reason to stop there. “It’s why I left Ubiqua Seraph... I was taking Drop, and...”

“You told me the worst you’d done was Blue Pill!”

Why do you believe me? “Well, I lied. I’ve done almost everything there is to do that won’t straight out kill someone, and most of it was when I was with Marie”

“That woman was always...”

She was, but it would be irresponsible to pin it on her. Well, I could... maybe I could, it’d be a lot easier than being honest. No, no... I need to stop thinking that way. “She didn’t make me do anything, she didn’t know. These were my mistakes and I am the one you need to be angry at.”

Not satisfied, but at least she knows who to blame... “What happened?”

“Ben,” Ben, cute guy for an Amarrian slaver... ”he needed me to transport him for some big family ceremony, I said I would do it free because he’d done a lot for me. When I joined Aegis Militia, he embraced me as a Minmatar doing ‘God’s will’ and provided me with labor, ships and highly-trained crew members. By this time, I had already lost favor with the corporation.

I made a lot of mistakes, they questioned my loyalty and I did too. Ben kept his trust in me, though, but he wasn’t really a part of the corporation, just a supporter. I took command of his Prophecy, and it was only a few jumps away. Part of his speech was going to be about him thanking me for seeing my errors and supporting the Empire and I would be an example to other capsuleers who knew where they belonged.

We’d gone a couple jumps, and in mid-warp I heard God talking to me.” Like a shudder, like a nightmare.

“What?”

“I thought God was talking to me, I was delusional from the drugs and lack of sleep and I heard this powerful voice. He told me something like, ‘Your work is nearly complete, now you must destroy your father.’ For some reason I though Ben was my father. The voice directed me to turn around and warp straight into the nearest star. After I got there, I shut down the shields, ejected all of the escape pods, aimed straight into the star and self destructed my pod... while it was still inside the ship.

I woke up sober a few hours later in a new body, and then right away I panicked and left Ubiqua Seraph, grabbed whatever I could and went straight into Minmatar space. Then I founded Operation Inertia, met you and you know what happened after that.”

She’s buying it? I mean, it’s the truth but damn... “I kind of see why he was out for revenge. How did he survive?”

“He didn’t, exactly... They succeeded in remagnetizing the hull and eventually got the shields back up. By the time they had done this and got the ship turned around, everyone had recieved lethal doses of radiation.

Ben was a pod-pilot, but he had refused clone services to remain pure. After my betrayal, he abandoned his beliefs and cloned to escape his dying body. I don’t know if he did it out of fear of death like most others would, or if he was so angry he did it just to get back at me.”

Have you done any drugs since then?”

No. Yes. No. Many. “Yeah, but that’s a long story too.”

“I’m not going anywhere”

We could be. “After that, after he raided the farm, after we were captured, after my family was murdered, after I commandeered the ship and rigged it to explode... I just don’t really know. For two years I thought maybe my brain image was just bouncing around networks or stuck in a server somewhere. Today, I found out that apparently I was intentionally trapped by the DED or someone and now I’ve been conscripted to do something I can’t begin to guess.

Whatever, though. Eventually I wake up in someone else’s body, this girl named Khale Khan who just got podded for the first time and it ain’t pretty what happens to either of us.”

“I know.”

What? “What?”

“I’ve known where you were since you recovered your clone, I’ve just been afraid to see you again when I found out about... your state of mind. I didn’t know if you would still want me. I mean, I had no idea about the kidnapping or being out of a body for so long. I went to the farm after you stopped talking to me, I saw everything had been burned, that your claw was gone. I assumed that... you were dead.” Why didn’t you tell me before?

I can’t explain it, I should have been. Why not his clone? “I was dead, if I hadn’t cheated I don’t see how I could have escaped, and after that it was just luck, I guess. I had really expected to wind up in his body.”

“That’s all pretty incredible, a lot of strange coincidences, almost sounds like either it was designed to happen or... it didn’t happen the way you remember it.”

Sure, right... “The way I remember it? How could I forget?

“If that AI was right, and you being held in limbo was intentional, then what’s to stop them from making you remember things differently? What’s to stop them from making you remember your whole life differently?”

That’s a good question, but why did you have to say that...